5 year old hasn't gone in 4 days and I'm trying to keep it together
I don't even know where to start. My daughter is 5 and she's been constipated on and off basically her whole life but this stretch feels different. Four days and nothing. She's complaining her stomach hurts, she's been cranky in a way that I can tell is pain and not just her being 5, and she keeps holding it because I think at some point going became associated with hurting and now she just won't even try. The picky eating thing makes all of this so much harder. I cannot get this kid to eat a vegetable to save my life. I've tried hiding things, I've tried the whole "eat what we eat" approach, I've tried making it fun, I've tried not making it a big deal. She eats like six foods. Pasta, plain rice, cheese, apples, chicken nuggets, and lately she's been refusing even the apples which were basically our only fruit win. I feel like I'm failing her nutritionally on top of everything else. We do have a pediatrician and yes we have talked to them, so I'm not skipping that step. We have an appointment next week. But right now I just feel so helpless sitting with a kid who is uncomfortable and won't eat and won't try to go and I don't know what to do with these four days in between. Has anyone else dealt with this combo, the picky eating and the constipation feeding into each other? Does it ever actually get easier or am I just going to be doing this forever? I'm tired. That's really all this post is. I'm just really tired.
Replies · 9
oh no. four days. I would be spiraling. sending you so much love right now, I don't have advice for a 5 year old but I just want you to know you are not failing her. you are literally sitting up worrying about her, that's not what failing looks like.
also just reading back what someone said above about taking the toilet pressure off completely. that resonates even with my 9 month old, every time I hover anxiously it makes everything worse. the anxiety is so contagious and they pick up on all of it.
Hey, Mert here. Dad of a 4 year old who went through something really similar last winter, the holding it because it hurt, the whole cycle. It is genuinely one of the harder things to watch because you can't explain your way out of it with a kid that age. They just associate the toilet with bad feelings and that's that. One thing that helped us a little was just taking all the pressure off the toilet completely for a few days. Like we stopped talking about it, stopped asking if she needed to go, and just tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible physically. Warm bath in the evening, lots of water offered without a big fuss about it. It didn't fix anything overnight but it seemed to break the anxiety spiral a bit. Also the picky eating plus constipation combo is so real and so exhausting. My daughter went through a phase where she'd only eat plain pasta and white bread and her gut was just suffering for it. You are not alone in this.
Twins mom here so I'll just say: I have one kid who would eat cardboard if I seasoned it right, and one who survives on approximately four foods, and guess which one has the constipation issues. Yep. Every time. The picky eating and gut slowdown really do feed each other in this miserable little loop and I have never fully cracked it. What I can say is that when my picky one goes through a bad stretch, warm water with a tiny bit of pear juice in it sometimes helps move things along, not a dramatic amount, just something gentle. My pediatrician gave us that one. Four days is rough. I always feel like I'm watching a little ticking clock when we get past day two. Good that you have the appointment next week, I'd also maybe give the pediatrician's nurse line a call today or tomorrow just to flag that it's been four days and she's in pain? They can sometimes give you a bridge suggestion to make the wait more bearable. You shouldn't have to just white knuckle it until next week.
The nurse line is a really good call and I don't know why I didn't think of that. I think when I'm in the thick of it my brain just stops working. I'm going to do that first thing tomorrow morning. Thank you for saying that plainly because I needed to hear it.
Yes call the nurse line, completely agree. That's what they're there for. You don't have to wait and just endure it.
Also, not that this solves the constipation, but on the picky eating front. My picky twin went through a whole year of refusing fruit and then one day she picked up a kiwi at the grocery store and just started eating it. No explanation. Kids are absolute chaos agents. I say this just so you don't feel like you have to solve the eating thing at the same time as the gut thing. It's too much to carry at once. One fire at a time.
One fire at a time. I really needed someone to say that. I've been treating this like I have to fix the eating and the constipation and the toilet anxiety all simultaneously and it's made me feel like I'm drowning. You're right. Tonight I'm just going to try to get her comfortable and stop running the mental marathon of everything I need to change.
Hope tonight is a little easier for both of you. Genuinely. Update us after your appointment next week if you feel like it, this community is good for that.